How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
