mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's the barista slut.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
