think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
