Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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