she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
