But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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