FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
