After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
