It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
