i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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