I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
