have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
