Kiss
Puke
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
