I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
