it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
