Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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