he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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