Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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