I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
