yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
