we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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