Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
