you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
