benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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