Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
