32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
