you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
