She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
is it fun? or sober?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
