please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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