I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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