Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
