When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
