I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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