She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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