you traded sex for a burrito?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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