Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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