I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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