If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
