You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
