This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
