We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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