Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
