Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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