So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I could fuck to npr.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
