remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
