She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
