U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
