Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
