look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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