Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
