There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
