Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
